Thoughts and Dreams

What day is today ? What's the date ? What time is it ? Yes,sometimes those kind of simple questions run through my mind.My high school life is very,very very very busy.Like...no day without homework.No chillaxin' except for weekends.And staying up late just to finish a bunch of tasks from teachers.It has never been that hard;you know,the task,but the teachers always give A LOT of things to do so....I guess it's the same.I need a better time management,and right in this moment when I need my nocturnal super power,I can't use it.It seems like I always wanted to fall asleep before 10 a.m.I said I wanted to,not accidentally because I feel like I need more rest.so-not-me.

So I guess I have to say that that's the reason why I haven't been blogging so much lately,or won't be,later.And sadly I have to say that this is the truth,the ugly truth.(Okay,that is sooo dramatized.) I really hope I can say that that is just the I-just-don't-want-to-write-anything-to-fill-my-blog part of me,but it is not.I really don't have any time to just jamming to my favorite song,neither do blogging.But I promise I will find some time to do that ! Even though I don't know whom I promised,my daily readers ? naah,I don't have them.

And in the middle of this busy life of high school,I can't feel anything.I usually find myself crying in the middle of the night because of such crazy stuff such as why people don't like me for who I am,or why do I have no skill in sports,any sport,at all.or why do my TV channels are so boring,stuff like that.But lately just....no.I feel pain,yes,but hurt ? no.Is it because I feel too much before that I'm starting to get numb ?

Here's a little update,so I wanted to join the school organization but I didn't pass the test.I got to admit that I feel very disappointed with myself.I see that a lot of my friends are accepted,why can't I ? I spend 3 days feeling bad about myself,and for the toppings,I also cried.Yes,I am a cry baby for a 15 year old boy.And even until now,I see that my friends are very successful and having such a great time with the school organization that I feel jealous.Boy,I wish they knew how bad I wanted it.There's a second chance for the sophomores,but it just won't feel the same :(

In the meantime,I managed to get a few friends.Like very few,and they don't really knew me.It's just a few baby steps beyond "acquaintances".But I am so happy that I made a progress ! Yay for the anti-social me who managed to get a few friends ! yay !!!

But then again,I am the one count them as my friend.I don't know anything inside their head.I sure do hope that they count me as their friend too ! :)