About High School..

So I have this huge emotion raging in my head,there's sooo much thing happened at the same time lately. Bad things. I am trying to be aware of something like this. I know that someday;this thing would be my precious experience. The one that makes me stronger. I know that sooner or later,bad things will turn out to be okay. But stil...it hurts a lot,when it really happens. You probably wondering what I've been talking about. Now I would really like to answer that question but the thing is;I don't know. I really don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I'm the most unlucky person ever. I feel like I can't easily make friends as my other friends do. Sure,I knew some great people. But they fall into my "acquaintance" category. I feel like I'll never find someone as nice as Farah,as supportive as Chipy,and so on and so on. I also feel like I always failed on something I tried to do. Maybe I need to put more efforts in it ? If so,why do I feel like I've put so much effort on everything,yet with disappointing results ?

The lessons are harder,the lectures are not helping at all. Now I'm starting to feel the wild side of this jungle called "high school". Sure,the seniors are nice,I also feel so blessed and grateful for being accepted there. But there's no homey feel there. Or is it too early to conclude ? I also feel lonelier,much much lonelier than before. I feel like those friends who has been around are way too much cooler to hang out with me anymore. I also feel like I have no support from my family. I guess they're all toooo busy with their stuffs. Can't blame them,why would they want to watch me 24/7 ?

I also feel like I can never make my parents proud and happy. If only they knew that I've tried. I feel like a failure,and to me,this is one of those days where the words "I can do this,I'm strong enough to go through this" is not enough. This is one of those days where "everything will be alright" from those who care about me (If I really do have one) is not enough. It just still feels so bad that I think I need professional help. Lately I also feel like my friends don't care about what I feel at all. Whenever they let me down,they just don't care. They act like nothing happened. Is this because of something I do ? If so,please kindly tell me. I've told them many times,they said nothing wrong about me,nor about them. But if so,why do I feel so bad ? "Perks" of being a teenager,i guess. (See the connotation ?) 

This last paragraph is a little bit out of topic. Lately I've been thinking about my posts,especially the ones with the "personal" tag on it. I have those loooooonggg sad post where I complain about how life is not fair,how they didn't treat me well,and so on and so on. I also re-read about my "happy post" how I write a short post with short sentences during my "happy" period. And this conclusion comes : I've been complaining about life a lot that I'm starting to be a master of it. From that conclusion,come back to this simple philosophy : be grateful. I think I've been so negative lately that I forgot to be grateful to Allah for all His blessings. I've been so negative lately that I let small things irritate me. Astaghfirullah...

So I don't know if this post would be useful for you guys. I don't know if my experience could taught you a lesson. But one thing for sure,i just want to write this down. Taylor said that if you have this huge emotion raging and you want to write it down but you don't know where to start;just write from where it begins. So I did. this post might seem so complicated and full of random sentences;but this is what's inside my head. 

Yes,welcome to my world. 

Oh Good Lord please give me power and sincerity to accept anything you give to me with a huge sense of gratitude,even if it's bad,even if it's not what I wanted. Aamin.