Hola,december is the last month of the year. 2012 is going to end very soon. I've felt great joy and great pain this year. there are some highlights of this year,yet some downs that you might have read some in my previous posts. I don't know,writing it in a blog kinda makes everything feel so sensible. I feel like I can understand life more when it comes into paragraph. I can understand more when it comes to a chorus in a song, a paragraph in a diary blog, or maybe just a simple line in a conversation. I can never see the big picture of what is really going on.
Study tour was one of the best highlight of my 2012. the preparation,the study tour itself and also the memories. boy,I wish I could rewind that moments. And I can never forget how I got good grades on math,feels so wonderful, I wish I could rewind that moment. I can never forget how Taylor premiering her first single from Red in August. How crazy I was when I first hear We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. I can never forget what I'm feeling when I hold my copy of Red,or when my lithograph is on my mail box. I wish I could rewind that moment but I can't. Time won't let me.
Time,it's always time. Time forbid us to go back to those happy places. Time force us to move on,forget things,let them go. But memories forbid us to forget what we felt that day and memories also let us to somehow feel some part of the emotions that we felt that day,the day that time has took away.
I don't know why but I feel so many sadness this december. It's Taylor's birthday,it's also my birthday. I was supposed to be happy,yes. But things going on in my life and I feel like a hamster running inside of a ball (yes,that's a weird analogy). I try to help myself and people that I love around me as much as I could but I didn't go anywhere. I felt so tired running around trying to get things done,but I didn't go anywhere. I hate the fact that life goes on around me and people told me "It's none of your business,you should study hard and that's it" well I think that's fake. I think that's not how we should think about life. I think we really should realize that there are REAL problems that people have to face. There are real problems that are waiting for us. If we act like it doesn't exits,that just means we run from the problem. And let me tell you as a person who has been going through A LOT of things like that : it won't solve your problem.
I've been so confused with what I'm going through right now. I've been forced to choose between two things that I love. I've been forced to face people with powers beyond me. I've been forced to raise my math grades (which is impossible) and I've been forced to do soooo many impossible things. I guess being positive is just so hard right now. It's not that I don't want to see the positive side. The truth is, there are no positive sides.
I can only ask Allah for more and more of His blessings. Bismillah....
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