to change or not to change

so I'm studying biology in my school about adaptation,changing. To change or not to change is always a big question for me and I think I've always in between. I don't really like changing because honestly I'm not an easy-going person,I'm introvert to a new person. And speaking of changing,I'm going to be graduated soon and that means changing,huge change.moving to a new school, a new HIGH school. new friends,new lessons,new....everything. Even when I'm writing this post I was thinking "wait...I do like changing" so that's why I'm always in between. but I think all of this confusion thing was part of growing up,you know. This is like a small stepping stones of used to make the right decisions later,I hope so.

I think I've never wanna change so much that people can't recognize me. I do wanna change to be a better person,but not the best. I love being the best but the thought of always being the best was kind of scary for me. Because if I was always the best, I won't get used to not being the best, and I'm not really good at dealing with something that makes me sad. So...let me explain this complicated thing, if I'm not used to not being the best,then I'm not the best at that moment,I can't deal with it.And usually if I can't deal with something,it will affect my mood about one or two weeks ?that's scary. so because I've always trying to prioritize just being happy,I'd rather used to not being the best and then having a moment when I'm the best which makes me happy than always being the best and then I'm not the best at that moment and I just can't deal with it.

I think being different was a blessings,but being different in blending-with-another people was the best thing that could happen to me right now,I'm doing an effort to reach it. God knows how hard I tried,and He helped me.I know He did,He makes everything easier for me lately and I wanna take a moment to just thank Him for all of that.

dear God,the only change I want now is a better friend.it's not like they're bad but I suppose they can do better.I won't ask anything for now except for that,I've got an excellent father,his strength is making me stronger.My mother is the prettiest lady in the whole wide world,and my sisters....they're better than me inside and out.I've got a pretty home and...everything.