Dreams Don't Turn To Dust

Wow.
Just wow.
Have you ever feel that all the dreams,all the good imagination you build for your whole life,and plans the rest of your life to pursue is crushed into the tiniest thing. Like...the atom of the atom tiny. Well if you don't,I've felt it just now.

I am in year 10 of senior high school now,and I guess it's the perfect time to plan for my college. Because in Indonesia,we have to go to college.otherwise we would be a total loser (which is a very not cool stereotype.) and I've been thinking and wondering and wondering about what I want to do with my life. Oh sure,who doesn't want to be a super great doctor who got PhD next to his name. Who doesn't want to be a world class architect who build international conference building,who doesn't want to be a great pop star,singing every night from one country to one country. But frankly,and sadly,I can't. I'm not good at any of my school subject,not that I'm failing,no,it's just that I don't think I could make it.

So then there's come the thinking process,what I want to do...what I want to do...what I want to do...the question keep echoing inside my head. Then I realised that I won't get any answer just by thinking and thinking. I need to observe myself. At what time do I feel like it's the happiest time of the day ? what did I do that time ?

Then I realised,I want to be a photographer,I know I always talked about how fashion fascinates me,but that's just it. It's just fascinates me,it's not something I want to do for my life.well,at least for now. But then there come these thought from people around me,it was something like "really ? a photographer ? what would you get as a photohgrapher ?" or "a photographer ? hahah,what would you feed your family with ?"And I thought that...well,maybe they're right. I need to find another future job.

And I was wrong,they were wrong,photography still excites me every time. And I guess last friday was the day that I feel like "I love this. This is what I should do." Last friday was the day of weekly meeting of KIAS. Just before that,I got a short meeting of the decoration people for Nevasca 2014 (which excites me so much !) I entered the room and sit next to my friends as always,they asked me "Hey,what happened to your face ?" "What is it ?" "You look red hahahah" "Oh that's because I'm bule hahahah"

But no,it's because of the excitement. It's because of the pop of excitement that constantly happened in my mind. My face even turns more red when I explain my idea for the next edition of the magazine,and for the next photo shoot. Even now,I can't wait to do the photo shoot and all the editing and stuff !

I've read about Parsons in a few articles and books,and they said that it is one of the best school to study art. I know that I don't even stand a chance there,but I'd be damned if I gave up without trying. So there I go,I search all over the internet for any information possible,I even use the custom brochure feature on their website and print it. I looked around for tuition fees,reading posts in forums about the university and so on and so on.

But what did happened when I gave the brochure to my parents ? They talked a lot of things about it but the point is............they talk to me as if I was joking about going into Parsons. They kinda talk in a way that say "you got no future with photography." My mom even said that "Really ? This is what you "love",eh ?" and at that moment I was crushed,it looked like I was exaggerating but I wasn't. Having your parents laughing at your dream was.....how to describe it;an excruciating pain.

They told me to go to law school instead,study something that really makes money. International business,international law,international economics. But those thing didn't fascinate me. They bore me to death,I took them at school because I thought it looked compromising. I know this sounds cheesy,and maybe even hypocrite,but I'd rather live on a budget from doing what I love,then stressed and depressed doing stuff I don't even like to get a luxurious lifestyle.


Gahhh I want to get into Parsons so bad,just so I can pursue my dream,just so I can prove them wrong. The stakes are high here,and I don't even know what I'm going to do next. Would you guys help me ?




Kelvin here,signing off.

Quote of The Day

"The truth is everybody will eventually hurt you,you just gotta find the one worth suffering for."

-Anonymous

Bored

it's 2014 people ! I can't believe that I only wrote 5 post on December....it's pretty embarrassing to say that I admit myself as a blogger,yet I only wrote 5 posts per month :( oh well. I've been enjoying this 2 weeks long holiday by staying at home. Usually,I would complain to my parents or my sister like "WHY CAN'T WE GO TO SOMEWHERE NICE LIKE NORMAL FAMILY WOULD DO" but for now...I don't know. I think,all this hectic life of senior high school makes me wanna just stay at home and enjoying myself (this is getting ambiguous,you know what I mean.) I've been reading some amazingly good books I've never had a chance to read before. Like the Teen Vogue Handbook,it's soooooo recommended for people like me,and for people who seek career in the fashion industry. It does give us some good advice on how to get a path to a career in fashion,but it also gave us new perspective;that even though fashion sounds fun,it's not always about fun and games. It is full of hard work and determination. All those people,all those legends you've seen on the magazine actually work their way to where they are standing right now. It makes me rethink about what I want to do with my life...sigh.

But here's the good news : last night,my sister asked me if I wanted to be an intern with her friend who is a photographer !!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm psyched ! finally ! someone to teach me real photography ! I really can't wait for this intern ! I'll tell you more when it starts :)

So I guess that's pretty much my holiday. Sitting around,reading books,sleeping and eating and stuff. I spent my new year's eve at my best friend's house with my girlfriend. It was,surprisingly,an amazing night. We didn't do much except playing board games,but I guess the feeling of surrounded by friends and families is what makes it special.