Some Things Just Don't Make Sense

"I walked with my head down,trying to block you out cause I'll never impress you"

Hi,I haven't blogged for a while. I guess you can call that I am on a hiatus. Although I don't really have an intention to do it. And sadly, my first post after a long time of not-posting-anything on my blog is rather....sad. I would really love to say that everything is alright. Everything is going perfect. But the fact is...no. Things just seems to get worse. My grades..my social life....well, I know that life is not all about good grades and social life. But for me, both as a teenager and as a student it is one of the most important things in my life.

I really have no idea how could things go wrong. I mean..I've done everything just in the way I used to do it. Is that not enough ? Is this the time that I have to step up my game ? What level am I supposed to reachhhhhhhhh

I know this might sounds a little bit alay and overrated. But...I just can't hold it any longer. When will this pile of mess called "my life" be back in order ? People keep telling me that I'm thinking too much of the little things that doesn't really matter. But the real thing is that,to me,the little things,the little details are what matter the most. I guess you could say that I am a perfectionist. Sadly,I haven't found a good way to chase perfections. 

The real reason of why I haven't blogged lately is I don't want to be this person who always thought that their life is the most miserable life ever. Well,besides the fact that since I started high school,I don't have as much time for myself as I used to. But I just can't hold it. (Soap Opera much ?) How can you hold on to something,when you don't have something to hold on to ? Something to keep you feel that life is worth living. I used to have that back in my younger years,friends. (And yes,you can simply conclude that I still don't have friends.)

I have this so-called "friends" who always point out my flaws. She always makes me feel like I'm useless,and everything I do is wrong. I also have this "friend" that always had this "ew" stare to me. YES,AND ONLY TO ME :). I thought they teach you not to pick your friends,but choose your friends wisely at kindegarten or preschool. They both feel like they were the fairest of them all. They both also think that all things they said were never hurtful to anyone. Well thank you so much,your words just made my day. 

All I want to say was "why you gotta be so mean and such a pain in the ass ?" I took a pity on someone who had to point out the others' flaws just so they feel powerful. Now after a "deep thinking time",I used to have a way to deal with a certain situation or a certain kind of people. But for this one...no. I haven't been on this kind of situation, or dealing with this kind of people before. Have you ? If so, please kindly tell me how to deal with it. 

I just want you people who read this post to know that this post is just a piece of things I wanted to say. There's a lot more feelings that I can't turn into words. 

I don't even know how to end this post but...yeah. This is it. I hope those people I mentioned earlier get my message, and then I hope you'll know what to do.