Echo #3 : Perks of Being Alone

"you know what comes along with being alone?"

"loneliness?"

"no, peace."

Photo Journal : Un Jardin Sur Le Nil

but maybe darling -- just maybe, heaven looks like this.

special thanks to Nadim, Khamila, Dila for their time
Kak Dince, Erlangga and Ais for the wardrobe
Iqbal for the Make Up
constructive criticism are very welcomed!

What's Next?

WHERE HAVE I BEEN? I know, right.

I always proudly say that I am an introvert, but I cant deny that I always long to have some kind of social connection, or wanting to go to social gatherings more than I thought I would want. Looking back, I think I have spent too much of my free time going out with friends. Even if it’s only for a simple meal or even an actual day out. I also joined some organisations in the past year and they have quite a schedule: recruitments, strategic meetings, executing programs and activites, you name it. I guess partly that’s because it feels effortless to spend time with your loved ones. I am one who gets bored easily, so the idea of spending time without feeling like you actually spend the time (you know how time flies when you’re surrounded by amazing people?) amused me. 

it isn’t necessarily bad, but I’ve been wondering if it does any good at this point. I haven’t done the things I used to love in a long time: blogging and journaling my thoughts and feelings. In this modern and digital world, everything can be a content or a way of gaining publicity. But I wrote this blog mainly for myself, so that I can look back and see where I have been and where I am now. Whether I am making some progress or not, whether I am stuck in the same loop over and over again. Let’s call it a way of reflecting myself (BHE much?). It actually requires dedicated time, and I haven't had that what with all the dine outs and gatherings and events. Most of the time I ended up tired and fell asleep in my bed only to do it all over again the next day.

The thing is, the euphoria you get after a social gathering or an event or even a serious (and potentially boring) meeting but one that generates meaningful results/decisions is very addictive. You feel…actualized? If that’s a word. You feel like you have done something to better things. You feel like you actually mean something in this big, scary world. You feel like finally you can say “hey! I have a share in this too!”

Addiction can be scary because it forces you to do it over and over again. Per definition, you are addicted when you can no longer help but to do it. I don’t know if I was in that stage or not, but I’m glad to finally realize that all good things must come to an end. It’s reassuring to believe that I will find other ways to actualize myself again. I guess you could say that I have found closure in this part of my journey to adulthood. In the meantime, I might as well enjoy and use this time to refocus my purpose. I can use this as a turning point to actually rethink of what I want to achieve with all of this and whether this has been the right way to do it.

Okay, so enough now with the contemplation. My last post was in 2017 and A LOT has happened since. I can wait to archive my journey, thoughts, feelings and self realization in the past 2 years. If I can actually remember and put them in a coherent piece of writing, that is.

Okay then, got tons of shit to do.

Kelvin here,

Signing off.