I Spent My Summer Looking For Love

I spent my summer looking for love. He was not very tall, average sized I guess. I was even taller than him. Around 5' 6" I believe. But his shadow keeps me away from the harsh summer sun light.

I spent my summer looking for love. His hair was not the regular black. He dyed the ends of his hair brown with a little bald patch in the middle looking like a professor. A love professor.

I spent my summer looking for love. His skin is tan. The one you'll find at the beach. Funny how he rarely sees the sun, yet he got that perfect tan. Funny how I rarely see him, yet he warms my heart.

I spent my summer looking for love. His lips were red but darkened as he smoked his cigarette. I said stop. He laughed. Took another hit. Then stopped.

Nobody listens to me like that.

I spent my summer looking for love. One day, things went as usual. I was going to the same place hoping to get the same warmth and joy, but it wasn't there.

Maybe he got a little bit shorter that his shadow is no longer enough. Maybe he outgrew his brown ends that I knew and love. Maybe he uses special shampoo? Cause he no longer had that bald spot. No longer was he the professor of love.

Where did our love go?

From scripts of letters I'll never send to you. 

Photo Journal : Perfect Places

My first time trying to make a photo journal a la Miss Nicoline. Even though it would never be the same since: 1.She is a professional photographer. 2.She travels to Europe while here I am trying to make the most out of my city (or town?) All in all I hope these pictures tells something. I hope it makes the viewer feel something. I know it's not a lot for a photo journal but you gotta start somewhere, right?

:)

It's Just Another Graceless Night

Ha! this has been the longest hiatus I've done from blogging. College has been very crazy. It's the same kind of routine, just more intense. So I guess there's nothing new that I can tell about in that department. Anyway, Ramadhan Mubarak everyone! Hope this holy month will bring us closer and closer to Allah...Aamiin.

I would like to dedicate this second paragraph specially for my senior high school friend, who is also a blog enthusiast, Nastiti. Thank you for still randomly visits my blog (what are you trying to find really?). In fact, my motivation for writing yet another post after such a long time is because of your comment! partly, at least. The biggest reason is because I'm so bored. It's still another 2 months before the next semester starts.

Hmm...what else should I write? I notice that my blog posts' alignment is aligned to the left instead of justified. This is not a scientific paper but still, I thought it would've been better if only I had used the justify setting. But editing around 100 posts just doesn't seem to be worth it, haha.

I envy people who has this nice blog where it lets them post short texts without looking weird. It's a blog that has a layout for microblogging (don't you have twitter for that?) so they can post random daily stuff every day. This makes them a very active blogger whereas my blog layout won't let me do such thing. It would look like I have an unfinished post posted. I guess I could've tweaked the settings and changed the settings, but I love the way my blog looks right now. So be prepared to find either nice writings about my deepest thoughts/feelings OR me babbling about nothing important (just like this one).

One great thing that happened to me is that I've "reconnected" to one of my oldest, dearest friend (basically my first real best friend) after a year of not-talking-to-each-other. Crazy, I know right. There are times during that year that I thought "Well, this is it. Maybe she only meant to be in my life for that long. Guess I should just cherish the memory instead of whining about what we could've been if I had done something different." I don't exactly know what happened, I guess all the sadness and anger forced me to forget the painful details. And so, we both are trying to live our own lives...

Just until a week ago, when she contacted me through Instagram. Long story short, we talked everything out. I was very worried that she was mad for me because of something I had done, and I don't want to get off my high horse and be the first one to say sorry. Turned out, that is exactly what she felt too! We ended up asking for each other apologies, tell each other how much we miss each other, tears streaming down my face and we hugged for what seems to be....ok you get the point.

So kids, what we can get from this experience is that great communication is the key to a great social life, which explains why I am always lacking in that department. We should never give a silence treatment before we are really, really, reallyyyyyyyy running out of words/the other person won't even listen to us for just a second. Especially in my case where silence treatment = giving up. If only I had at least trying to contact her long ago, all of this not-talking-for-a-whole-year nonsense won't ever happened. But then again, everything always happens for a reason, right?

All in all, everything seems fine for right now. We understand each other's rhythm and pace better than ever. Now I know that if she doesn't contact me, that doesn't mean she hates/forgets me. It's just right now there are things that needs to be done. She needs to do so so she can spend her free time with me. I mean, who would want to go to a karaoke night if none of his/her tasks and assignments are finished?! It's called having priorities, people. It's adulthood! I guess you could say we literally have grown up together :)

The most magical thing of all is that even after a whole year of not talking to each other, we are still in sync. We even have a lot more interesting things to talk about! This assures me more and more that she really is my best friend. Cause you know what they said, a strong friendship doesn't need daily conversations, doesn't always need togetherness. As long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part. 

To you, if you ever read this: I'm glad I met you at third grade elementary school. Thank you for depicting my fantasies with your drawings. Thank you for the calls, both late nights and impromptu. Thank you for teaching me how to not be a selfish bitch, despite the use of though love. Thank you for...well, everything.

FUNNY HOW I STARTED THIS POST WITH NOTHING IN MIND YET HERE I AM, WRITING PARAGRAPHS AFTER PARAGRAPHS OF DEAR DIARY.

Writing this post reminds me of how much I love writing, or at least seeing what I wrote haha. The process is sometimes boring, but the feeling of clicking "publish" after writing a long post is satisfying!

I guess I should just end this post now, even though my heads are filled with writing ideas.
need. to. organize. it. right. now.
I have the memory of Dory these days. See you in other posts, darling.

Kelvin here,
Signing off.

Abstract

I'm starting to think that being in love is more of a coincidence, a serendipity, something that is very influenced by luck. There are those who seem to have everything people would've wanted : a nice job, a nice house, nice car(s). Basically financially stable, yet they haven't found 'the one'. This might seem very obvious, love doesn't strike people based on their financial status. Yet most people seem to not understand that. There are many people who said "well, they already have everything, what are they waiting for" when it comes to their opinion about other's marital status as if not being married (or even in love) in that situation is very weird. I also find a lot of people who seem to have a lot of work to do with themselves decides that marriage is something for them and in the end it does help them grow better. Miracle does happen.

Hey, maybe they have personality problems. Or maybe they don't. Maybe they don't want to get married and have kids. Maybe they prefer the single life. Single life doesn't mean miserable life and I cannot stress this enough (really hate the jomblo jokes that seems to be going on FOR AGES). Love is a two way lane. Your line may be very smooth (with the criteria I mentioned above) but if your soulmate's line isn't smooth yet, you both will never meet.

Love, to me, is always this abstract thing people can never fully comprehend until they experience it themselves. I don't think I have experienced love. Or at least, the kind of love I was expecting with all the butterflies in the stomach and stuff. It might not be just luck but because it is very hard for me to grasp, I guess it's easier to conclude that luck is the biggest factor.

All I wanna say is that you, people who are in love, should be very grateful because those whose hands you hold might be your soulmate. At least right now, you think he/she is. Some of us will have a long journey to find one. Some of us have taken a long journey to find one, only to lose it next year. Surround yourself with people you love, cherish them and make them feel your love. Never take anything for granted.

Kelvin here, signing off.

Up, Up, Away

"Too much of anything can make you sick," said Cheryl Cole in one of her famous song "Parachute". "Even the good can be a curse" she added.

WELL APPARENTLY TOO MUCH OF ANYTHING DOES MAKE YOU FEEL SICK. I am currently in my holidays or "winter break" as some of you would call it. We don't really have winter here so we can't call it winter break. Should we call it rainy season break? It doesn't sound good though. The point is, it's just another long holiday where I have to spend my time doing nothing. Wait, actually I don't have to do that but since I don't have any other choice, that kinda makes me have to do it. Anyway, the only reason I was up this late (yeah, 10 p.m IS late for me) is I really don't have anything to do, I just take naps all day long. Heck, I even (finally) finished a novel I have bought months ago! that's just how crazy this whole doing-nothing thing is.

It's not that it's bad that I've spent my holidays reading novel, in fact, I was pretty happy that I finally have time to finish the novel and it was a very good one: Magnus Chase and The Hammer of Thor. The thing I liked about this book (aside of the hilarious sarcasm and rhetorical questions by the main characters) is the fact that there is this one moslem character named Samirah Al-Abbas. It was told in the story that even in the middle of fighting giants with the Norse gods (or powerful entity, as Samirah would say it), she still obeys her obligation of praying five times a day, everyday. Now now, you would think that after seeing a lot of unbelievable things such as gods and monsters and giants, one would simply not believe any god that he/she would never be able to actually see. Our senses, after all, have a very big impact on how we perceive the world. This was proven by Magnus (the main character) being an atheist. But Sam is a very different case and I just like how Rick incorporates it beautifully into his story.

Right now I'm currently reading Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder. I must admit I had a very...different expectation of this book. I thought it was about Sophie's adventure in some crazy world where in the end there is this philosophical question or conclusion that would blow your mind. I thought that was what people meant by "philosophical novel". Turns out it was about the history and development of philosophy retold in a very compelling way. It was good, though I've read some of the history before online (being a philosophical nerd wannabe myself) so it was a little bit boring. But I've only read a tiny bit of the book so I might just finish it before jumping into any conclusions (hah!)

ANYWAY can I please mention the fact that I have only written 3 blogposts IN THE PAST YEAR???????
Crazy.
Can't believe it's 2017 already. By December this year I would be 20 too. The next thing you know you'll be sitting in your porch with your grandkids. Still the same questions linger in my mind: what have I done in the past year? Have I been a better person than I am before? Have I achieved all of my goals? Do I even have any goals at all?????
But as always, questions only well asked but never answered. I was never bothered to look for one. I guess some part was because I am too lazy to look for it (yet I bravely admit that I am a philosophical nerd) but also some part of me kinda want that question to never be answered....I don't know why. It just adds more of this mysterious type of feeling to life. Or maybe I was too afraid to look for the answers because I was afraid of what the outcome would be..I mean, what if I'm not a better person than I am last year? Does that mean that I have wasted a full year of doing nothing? But again, does the end result really matter that much? Isn't the journey that changes people?

SEE. MORE QUESTIONS ARISES WHEN YOU ANSWERED.

College life was also a little bit boring. I don't know, maybe I am the one who is boring. It's just that I don't have the same kind of excitement studying about life the way I had it during the senior year of my high school. Everything was so mesmerising back then that I decided hey, maybe this is my call. Maybe finally I've found my purpose of life! To study biology for the rest of my life. But then college happened. I guess it all moved too fast and too brief for me. Or maybe I just haven't had it yet. But Alhamdulillah, praises to Allah, I have been doing pretty good. At least I'm not embarrassing my parents. Hehehe.

So I guess the last thing I wanna talk about is the concept of balance and equity. If you have studied natural sciences for some time, you would've noticed that the general concept of nature is balance and equity. Even homeostasis, this big concept in biology, is based on balance and equity. It was something that humans are born with though: the tendency of being in perfect balance, harmony, peace and virtue. It's what we called fitrah in Islam. But the one thing I would like to discuss (WITH WHO? HAHA.) is say, you're in the middle of a conflict between two people and you understand why each person was doing the thing they had done and therefore you didn't choose sides. Does that mean you're being very equitable and wise? Does not taking sides always a good thing? Because I actually do feel like the ability to comprehend people numbs your judgement. We have this ideals and principles but we also understand that there's no such thing as perfection, that we have to take into measure the circumstances of those people to actually understand why they have done what they had done. I think that is a very large amount of variables to count. I thought by trying to understand each other views, you would be able too judge more clearly. But I guess in the end it all comes down to what values you have of this life. One would not deem murder as something bad if they don't value human life, right?

Sorry for the long post. It's just nice to finally have someone to talk to. I might look like some desperate loser, but that's another topic for yet another post.

Kelvin here, signing off.

Oh, The Feels.

Pedih nyatanya yang tak terjawabMampu menjatuhkanku yang dikira tegarKau tepikan aku, kau renggut mimpiYang dulu kita ukir bersamaSeolah aku tak pernah jadi bagian besar dalam hari harimu
Lebih baik kita usai di siniSebelum cerita indah tergantikan pahitnya sakit hatiBukannya aku mudah menyerah, tapi bijaksanaMengerti kapan harus berhentiKu kan menunggu, tapi tak selamanya

Kau tepikan aku, kau renggut mimpiYang dulu kita ukir bersamaSeolah aku tak pernah jadi bagian besar dalam hari-harimuSeolah janji dan kata-kata yang telah terucap kehilangan arti

Lebih baik kita usai di siniSebelum cerita indah tergantikan pahitnya sakit hatiBukannya aku mudah menyerah, tapi bijaksanaMengerti kapan harus berhentiKu kan menunggu tapi tak selamanya

Tak akan jera kupercaya cintaManis dan pahitnya kan kuterimaKini kisah kita akhiri dengan makna

Lebih baik kita usai di siniSebelum cerita indah tergantikan pahitnya sakit hatiBukannya aku mudah menyerah, tapi bijaksanaMengerti kapan harus berhentiKu kan menunggu, tapi tak selamanya.
Thank you for understanding how it feels when no one does.