Dreams Don't Turn To Dust

Wow.
Just wow.
Have you ever feel that all the dreams,all the good imagination you build for your whole life,and plans the rest of your life to pursue is crushed into the tiniest thing. Like...the atom of the atom tiny. Well if you don't,I've felt it just now.

I am in year 10 of senior high school now,and I guess it's the perfect time to plan for my college. Because in Indonesia,we have to go to college.otherwise we would be a total loser (which is a very not cool stereotype.) and I've been thinking and wondering and wondering about what I want to do with my life. Oh sure,who doesn't want to be a super great doctor who got PhD next to his name. Who doesn't want to be a world class architect who build international conference building,who doesn't want to be a great pop star,singing every night from one country to one country. But frankly,and sadly,I can't. I'm not good at any of my school subject,not that I'm failing,no,it's just that I don't think I could make it.

So then there's come the thinking process,what I want to do...what I want to do...what I want to do...the question keep echoing inside my head. Then I realised that I won't get any answer just by thinking and thinking. I need to observe myself. At what time do I feel like it's the happiest time of the day ? what did I do that time ?

Then I realised,I want to be a photographer,I know I always talked about how fashion fascinates me,but that's just it. It's just fascinates me,it's not something I want to do for my life.well,at least for now. But then there come these thought from people around me,it was something like "really ? a photographer ? what would you get as a photohgrapher ?" or "a photographer ? hahah,what would you feed your family with ?"And I thought that...well,maybe they're right. I need to find another future job.

And I was wrong,they were wrong,photography still excites me every time. And I guess last friday was the day that I feel like "I love this. This is what I should do." Last friday was the day of weekly meeting of KIAS. Just before that,I got a short meeting of the decoration people for Nevasca 2014 (which excites me so much !) I entered the room and sit next to my friends as always,they asked me "Hey,what happened to your face ?" "What is it ?" "You look red hahahah" "Oh that's because I'm bule hahahah"

But no,it's because of the excitement. It's because of the pop of excitement that constantly happened in my mind. My face even turns more red when I explain my idea for the next edition of the magazine,and for the next photo shoot. Even now,I can't wait to do the photo shoot and all the editing and stuff !

I've read about Parsons in a few articles and books,and they said that it is one of the best school to study art. I know that I don't even stand a chance there,but I'd be damned if I gave up without trying. So there I go,I search all over the internet for any information possible,I even use the custom brochure feature on their website and print it. I looked around for tuition fees,reading posts in forums about the university and so on and so on.

But what did happened when I gave the brochure to my parents ? They talked a lot of things about it but the point is............they talk to me as if I was joking about going into Parsons. They kinda talk in a way that say "you got no future with photography." My mom even said that "Really ? This is what you "love",eh ?" and at that moment I was crushed,it looked like I was exaggerating but I wasn't. Having your parents laughing at your dream was.....how to describe it;an excruciating pain.

They told me to go to law school instead,study something that really makes money. International business,international law,international economics. But those thing didn't fascinate me. They bore me to death,I took them at school because I thought it looked compromising. I know this sounds cheesy,and maybe even hypocrite,but I'd rather live on a budget from doing what I love,then stressed and depressed doing stuff I don't even like to get a luxurious lifestyle.


Gahhh I want to get into Parsons so bad,just so I can pursue my dream,just so I can prove them wrong. The stakes are high here,and I don't even know what I'm going to do next. Would you guys help me ?




Kelvin here,signing off.

Quote of The Day

"The truth is everybody will eventually hurt you,you just gotta find the one worth suffering for."

-Anonymous

Bored

it's 2014 people ! I can't believe that I only wrote 5 post on December....it's pretty embarrassing to say that I admit myself as a blogger,yet I only wrote 5 posts per month :( oh well. I've been enjoying this 2 weeks long holiday by staying at home. Usually,I would complain to my parents or my sister like "WHY CAN'T WE GO TO SOMEWHERE NICE LIKE NORMAL FAMILY WOULD DO" but for now...I don't know. I think,all this hectic life of senior high school makes me wanna just stay at home and enjoying myself (this is getting ambiguous,you know what I mean.) I've been reading some amazingly good books I've never had a chance to read before. Like the Teen Vogue Handbook,it's soooooo recommended for people like me,and for people who seek career in the fashion industry. It does give us some good advice on how to get a path to a career in fashion,but it also gave us new perspective;that even though fashion sounds fun,it's not always about fun and games. It is full of hard work and determination. All those people,all those legends you've seen on the magazine actually work their way to where they are standing right now. It makes me rethink about what I want to do with my life...sigh.

But here's the good news : last night,my sister asked me if I wanted to be an intern with her friend who is a photographer !!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm psyched ! finally ! someone to teach me real photography ! I really can't wait for this intern ! I'll tell you more when it starts :)

So I guess that's pretty much my holiday. Sitting around,reading books,sleeping and eating and stuff. I spent my new year's eve at my best friend's house with my girlfriend. It was,surprisingly,an amazing night. We didn't do much except playing board games,but I guess the feeling of surrounded by friends and families is what makes it special.

Quote of The Day

"What if I'm used to the loneliness ? to being alone ? I think that's what scares me the most."

-My thoughts on a rainy day

KIAS Training 2013

Hi Bloggies ! so just yesterday I had a pretty amazing day with my friends from KIAS.Well,it's basically an organization for all journalist,photographer and editor in my school. And yes,we run the school magazine ! This post is going to be one of those post with sooooooo many pictures in it.It's all by me though. SO I do hope you enjoyed it,comments and constructive critics are very welcomed !

This training took place at a tea garden in Wonosari.They said that this tea garden is the one garden that provide tea supplies to all cities in East Java ! The place is nice,it's good to just spend time away from the crowds of the city.But don't get your hopes too high,you won't find anything fancy here.But for me,that's the thing that made the tea garden relieving.

We arrived at about 9.00 a.m and we started the activity right away. We set some place to gather and sit,and then the lecturers gave us some tips and tricks about how to be a better photographer,journalist and editor.I Think it would be something very useful for the future,you know,since we have to run the school magazine.

So after the all the lectures,comes the fun part.We were divided into some groups,we took a ride with the so called "Kereta Kelinci" around the tea garden. We stopped at a particular area of the garden where some of the seniors had been waiting for us. They'll give us some challenge (which is writing two articles about a particular subject;mine is HIV/AIDS) and then we move on to the next post,and the next one,and the next one.I think it's kinda cool where they packed a training into fun and games like this. I think this is how a training/coaching should be. Not the I'll-make-your-life-more-miserable kind of coaching.*cough cough* *being cyinical* *no offense*

strike a pose.

 

Here's a picture of me with my team mates !

 

After we go through all of the posts,we played some games (again) and head to the mosque to clean ourselves and pray. After that,we eat our lunch and.......make a wall magazine ! yes,it was the last part of the training. The seniors gave us a styrofoam,some decorative papers,some materials and some tools to make it in three hours. We did our best,but I don't think we could win because all of them were so great ! It's fine though,because we had a lot of fun doing it !

It was a good experience. And now,I am officially a member of KIAS. I do hope that with the help of my friends,I could make KIAS better and better throughout the year. Bismillah....

Gratitude

Hola bloggies,it's december 7th and that means just a week away from my birthday.I still can't believe this is my second birthday here at my blog. I just want to say thank you,mostly to Allah and my family for always be there for me.And also for music,for Taylor Swift and for Ke$ha,and to those people whose songs I listened to in rainy days.I also want to thank my friends. I don't have many but I guess that's better than no friends at all,or even a thousand backstabber.

I also want to happily say that I got a new computer for my (early) birthday present ! thank youuuuu mom & dad :) But this time of year,first of all instead of asking for presents I want to look back and see what kind of person I am this past year. Is it good ? is it bad ? what kind of behavior should I change ? do I have any bad habits ? have I reached my goal yet?

Sadly I have to say that I have a lot to change in my personality,I haven't do anything special nor productive this past year,I also haven't reach my goal (being skinny is on of them). I honestly have nothing to do but to dramatically wipe off my tears and set a new goal and also make myself promise to always work hard in the future.Bismillah....

Anyways ! this post is also to thank my friend,Farah.For always supporting me when I'm down,and for always be happy with me when I'm on top. Thank you thank you thank you and please don't ever change :)

Birthday Wishlist !

It's December ! that means....my birthday ! it's my second birthday here at my blog and I think I done quite well on the "constantly writing" part since I usually have this blog,write for like a week and then abandoning the blog,and the cycle goes on and on and on...till now ! I must say that I'm a little bit proud of myself :)

So here it is my wish list for my birthday,it's never too early for a wish list !I know I won't get all of these stuff for my birthday but..it's my wishlist ! I can surely put anything I want,right ?

P.S : I do hope my parents accidentally visit my blog and see this post.

 

from top left to the right : a complete series of the sims 3,iMac,torres bag,gibson hummingbird guitar,mon monogram wallet,harman kardon speakers,chanel no.5 parfum

so...yeah.