Lonely Nights

I really don't know how to start this post,but one that I can make sure is this is one of those sad post.Yes,I'm feeling a little bit emotional lately.growth hormones ? I don't know.But if so,I hate them so much.I really can't understand me.It feels like everyone is sooooo annoying lately..are they changing ? or am I the one who is changing ?CAN PLEASE SOMEONE LET ME KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE THIS IS FRUSTRATING.

I'm feeling a little bit...well I'm not going to sugarcoat it.I felt so lonely this past few days. It feels like it's only me against the world.where are my friends ? they're here,but I kinda don't feel their existence.I think they're here because they felt like they have to be here only for some "formality".is this normal ?am I turning into this attention-whore I've always been sick of ?I mean,if it is something wrong from me,please do let me know...I think we're mature enough to have those kind of conversation where we share our thoughts and find a way to solve the problem,if there is a problem.but if there are no problem,I shouldn't feel this way,right ? or am I the problem ?

I miss the old you guys,the new one sucks.back to the old days where there are no things such as "I only want to be with A" "I only want to be with B" and things like that. there are only things like I only want us to be together,are you bored ? if so,tell me...I even miss those times when my sister isn't married yet.she's more a friend to me than a sister,but now she's busy with her personal life.don't get me wrong,I don't say that she can't have a family or personal business or something like that.I just think maybe you guys can set a time for me ?I mean,everyone deserves that kind of attention,right ?

You know what I can't stand ?when you said you can't do this particular activities because of this particular reason,while the fact is you're doing it with someone else.I mean...what's the difference ? am I that lame ?haha,I guess I'll never be that cool kid.oh well,I'm not going to apologize for being me.people said that it's better to be alone,because that way,no one can hurt you.I am alone now,but why do I feel so much pain ?

I think I have this new mental disorder that psychologist have found : FoMO,or Fear of Missing Out. Yes,I do have fears that I am no longer in your inner circle.I have fears that I am no longer worth your time.are you guys the one who tried to keep me away,or am I the one who pushed people away from me ?oh my god I really need to see a therapist right now.I only want someone who will be on my side,even when I was wrong.But I guess world is not a wish-granting factory and that is too much to ask,right ?

I always remembered a line from Taylor's song,15.when all you wanted,was to be wanted.wish you could go back,and tell yourself what you know now.so is this a normal phase of a teenager life ?I am so curious,what will I know later ? that line kinda show us that this is not something that's so important.but somehow someway I feel that this is the most important thing on earth,you are important to me,that's why.

Maybe I haven't been that close to Allah..I am so busy trying to connect and having a bond with people,haablum min an-nas,until I forgot that I need to stay connected with Allah.after all,even on my worst days I can always turn to Him.He's a good listener,even though you can't literally see Him hearing you or talking to you.But He will give you that kind of piece in your heart after your pray to Him,insya Allah..

I really have soooo much more to say.but I don't know,I guess this is the only part that I can turn into words.sorry for babbling around,but this is 100% real from my deepest heart (dramatic ?).I don't know if I should hope some of you read this or not,but if you do read this.you'll know what you have to do,right ?

N

I'm sorry,okay ?I'm sorry that i'm not that cool kid who's on the football team. i'm sorry that I'm not that cool kid who plays basketball. i'm sorry that i'm not that romantic guy who plays music. i'm sorry that i choose clothes instead of balls. i'm sorry that i don't have the guts to tell them I love you. I'm sorry that I forgot about everything and how not perfect I am.

But I love you.

Question of the day

"Should we treat people the way we want to be treated,or the way they deserve to be treated ?"

Just a thought..

I kinda don't like how people these days are so gender oriented. I mean,we are modern humans with open mind. We shouldn't think that way. I wrote this not because of what I feel,but because of what I think. Just imagine if there's no guys who jumped into the fashion industry,no Louis Vuitton,no Marc Jacobs,no Dolce and Gabanna,no Hugo Boss,no Tommy Hilfiger and so on,and so on. And what should we do ? Like we have to wear plastics for clothes ? No. I think we live in an era of emancipation. If girls can work as a farmer,guys can work at fashion industries. If girls can be an engineer,guys can be a designer. As simple as that. I think as long as it doesn't violate social norms,then it's okay. I really dislike those narrow minded people who thought "cool guys" HAVE TO play sports. "cool guys" HAVE TO like this certain stuff. Or how girls should behave this way,or that way.

I look up to those people who work on something that people on their gender/age don't usually do. I'm pretty sure they got some hate comments but they keep moving on. They keep making amazing work. Just imagine if Diana Rikasari stop blogging just because a certain hate comments. Or Thomas Alfa stopped experimenting just because everyone think he's a fool. And so many other great examples.

To those who had the same experience or feel the same way. Keep moving on,continue doing what you love. You know what they said,succes is the best revenge.

Trouble Trouble Trouble

Hi,It's time for another diary session of this blog.lately I've been feeling not too well and a little bit overwhelmed because of these national exam preps and all the crazy stuff happened withingbthe last few weeks. The only good news is we already finished all the tryout and the last results just came out today ! I'm proudly announcing that I got the score that I've always wanted !! It's not perfect,it's not even near perfect but I'm very happy and satisfied knowing that that's the result of my hardwork. i sure do hope the best for the national exam hehe. I wish you all 6th,9th and 12th graders a very very very good luck !

And anothe good news is.....my mom decided that I'm old enough to get my very first piece of Louis Vuitton !!!!!!!!!!

LOUIS VUITTON
MOTHER OF BAGS LOUIS VUITTON

I'M SO EXCITED AND MY MOM PICK IT UP AT THE STORE TOMORROW AND I JUST CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER AND IT FEELS LIKE I'M GOING TO EXPLODE BECAUSE OF EXCITEMENT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

You know,I do think everyone needs a piece of Louis Vuitton,but sadly it's not affordable for everyone (I know you think I'm that rich but I have to wait like a whole year before I can get the bag) because it is iconic,a timeless investment,and I'm so speechless that I can't continue this sentence.
By the wayyyy my mom got me the Michael Damier Graphite backpack. It is very chic yet still not that old for you to use it as an eveyday bag. And just yesterday I googled it and I found out that I got the same piece as JUSTIN BIEBER and JOE JONAS have.

I will obviously post some photos soon ! After this exam thing and after this whole riots.And also,this is the same week that my order from asos should come,andddd I might do a photoshoot !! Woohooooooooooooo

Okay now stop with the rainbow and the ponies and the candies and sugar coats.get back to real life where it seems like you just can't have that perfect life.there will always be trouble ahead.But I guess that what makes life interesting. A rollercoaster won't be that fun without its ups and downs,right ? (see how I use a metaphor here ? Haha) I will not specifically say about what makes me sad,or who makes me sad.But I will write down what I want to say,with a big hope that this anonymous person checks out my blog.

So here it is : you should've understand me better,after all these years I thought that you would be there for me even when I was wrong. And don't say "sorry I can't be the one you always want me to be" because I guess it's all my fault for expecting too much from a person. I just can't think how the person that I thought was very wise and thoughtful could have that narrow mind and act so childish.I think we could have that mature conversation and we could solve problems easily,but I guess you just don't take me or my words seriously,whereas that's one of the important things to do to easily solve a problem.I'm still upset about that "course schedule" thing you know,it feels like you're avoiding me for some reasons I can't think of. How else can I show you that I am open minded and welcoming all suggestions ?if I was proven wrong,then I would say that I'm sorry. it's not that I'm this selfish person who always wants to be right,it's just if I think I'm right then I don't want to back down. I guess we're both stubborn,eh ? And I just want you to know that I'm still here. In case if you're tired wandering,I can always be your home.
I guess that's all I want to say,I'm running out of words..I hope you understand,IF you do see and read this letter.

Night folks.

Quote of The Day

"Dream as if you'll live forever"

-Anonymous

D-I-Y : School Schedule

Hola ! I think it is a little too late for school schedule project. It's near the end of school. but...oh well ! I'm still going to post it.

What you will need for this awesome school schedule is :
1.a scissor
2.3 different patterned paper
3.Blutack
4.marker

First,cut all the patterned paper (I use the one from BoBunnies.you can get them at Paperland/Made With Love) in half like this one :

 After that,start adding the days.one paper should only represent one day

Finally,add your school subjects !

DONE !!!

you can also freely decorate your schedule.but you know what they say,simplicity is the ultimate sophistication :)